Since October 2019, we have been planning our special day. Jon had proposed while we were perched on a beautiful cliff edge on a drizzly day in Cornwall. We were eating a Cornish pasty, drinking a ginger ale while watching two pairs of seals playing in the waves, you don’t get much better than that – perfect. It was to be a second marriage for both of us, we are both in our fifties and after being together for almost twenty years, we were ready to take that further plunge together.
After announcing the good news to family and friends it was then time to plan and even though it was to be a small event, as most of you will know, there is still much planning to do for any type and any size of wedding.
We would be married in Cornwall, a beach ceremony, weather permitting with celebrations afterwards. We were excited. The more we got ticked off the ‘To Do’ list the more excited we got, both our families were happy for us, joining in with planning, happy that there was something to look forward to in the coming year.
2020 arrived with bells and whistles and we were making great progress in the planning of our mid June wedding. It was early March when my sister had arranged a girly ‘bubbly breakfast, wedding dress try on day‘ and although I didn’t buy a dress that day, (I’d previously seen another one I really liked) we had such a great time, all adding to the build up to our special day.
Our wedding was happening, what could go wrong?
Oh yes… A World Wide Pandemic!
Of course, the decision was soon made to postpone our big day, a decision not taken lightly, in fact it was horrible actually, saying the words to people and having to make all the ‘postponement’ arrangements with all the services we had previously booked. We were quite nervous as we’d spent such a lot of money already, but luckily everyone was wonderfully supportive, we didn’t lose any money and it has all rolled over to another date in 2021, simple right?
But then my wedding dress arrived a week before the UK went into lockdown… I cried. I’m 54 years old, there’s a worldwide pandemic going off and I’m in tears over a wedding dress – “GET A GRIP” – I told myself many times!
As with everyone, the next few months had been ‘different’, to say the least. Walks or exercise became the treat of each day, not seeing close family was the worst, shopping for essentials became a strange experience, but it was also a bit of ‘time out’. People were of sombre mood, jobs were in jeopardy, people were being furloughed or working through, schools closed, all told to stay at home, watching the news intently hoping for good news, whilst seeing the death rate rising and of course, a nation wide respect for our NHS and other front line workers rang out like never before.
It is now June and things are beginning to look a little brighter with regards to Covid-19, people are starting to go back to work, shops are to open, some schools are tentatively opening and sport is starting again. Of course, there are families whose lives have been turned upside down because of this virus, for many reasons.
Earlier than when lockdown started our minds were on the news, thoughts were for all those families who’d lost loved ones, praise was for our amazing NHS, but myself and Jon were still sad about our wedding, whilst also accepting it. We were actually fine about it all, we were going about our lives, Jon had worked through the whole thing, we were getting on with jobs we’d needed to do on the boat and by the beginning of June things were looking a little rosier with regards to the virus and life was starting to get back to normal, slowly. Things were good, until the week of our ‘supposed’ wedding day 13th June. I became so utterly flat, upset and anxious that week. Why? I’m not sure, there were bigger things going on in the world than our wedding, but as the week before our day came around I felt terrible, I couldn’t help saying, “we would’ve been doing ‘this’ now”, or “tomorrow we should’ve been doing ‘that’“.
Guilt had set in with me after postponing the wedding, because I was feeling so flat and sad about it all. The guilt was because it felt selfish, when there were people dying and families having their lives changed forever due to the virus, people had other things on their minds, our wedding had been ‘rightly’ forgotten and pushed to one side. I felt guilty that I was feeling sad.
Luckily, the UK canals opened up the week of the ‘no-wedding’, so Jon took a few days off work and we decided to set off cruising on our boat for a few days and not let our weekend go without any thought.
We had a wonderful time cruising, the weather was kind, we chilled out, walked, canoed, drank, ate and laughed. A couple of friends came along on Saturday night, shared a bottle of champagne and also a ‘No-Wedding’ cake, (social distancing of course). We also took part in a funny family Zoom quiz on Sunday evening and when myself and Jon logged on, all the family were there wearing improvised wedding veils and big smiles – brilliant!
I know our wedding being postponed doesn’t really matter, in the grand scheme of things, it’ll happen next year and we’ll make every effort to make it a wonderful day for all celebrating with us, but we found that just a change of scenery, a bit of time out, spending quality time together had made all the difference in being able to accept something which IS very important to us. Sounds trivial I know, but after having these wonderful few days, we can now look forward. I personally feel better now that 13th June 2020 has been and gone.
The virus is hopefully being controlled and lives are beginning to get back to ‘normal’, whatever that new normal will be, but I feel it’ll still take a long while.
Next year, will be a better year for all of us I hope, and I am excited about being excited again.
Anyone in the same situation? How did you feel? How have you handled it? I’d love to know.
I’ll leave you with a few photographs of our ‘No-Wedding’ cruise 😍
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