Since October 2019, we have been planning our special day. Jon had proposed while we were perched on a beautiful cliff edge on a drizzly day in Cornwall. We were eating a Cornish pasty, drinking a ginger ale while watching two pairs of seals playing in the waves, you don’t get much better than that – perfect. It was to be a second marriage for both of us, we are both in our fifties and after being together for almost twenty years, we were ready to take that further plunge together.
After announcing the good news to family and friends it was then time to plan and even though it was to be a small event, as most of you will know, there is still much planning to do for any type and any size of wedding.
We would be married in Cornwall, a beach ceremony, weather permitting with celebrations afterwards. We were excited. The more we got ticked off the ‘To Do’ list the more excited we got, both our families were happy for us, joining in with planning, happy that there was something to look forward to in the coming year.
2020 arrived with bells and whistles and we were making great progress in the planning of our mid June wedding. It was early March when my sister had arranged a girly ‘bubbly breakfast, wedding dress try on day‘ and although I didn’t buy a dress that day, (I’d previously seen another one I really liked) we had such a great time, all adding to the build up to our special day.
Our wedding was happening, what could go wrong?
Oh yes… A World Wide Pandemic!
Of course, the decision was soon made to postpone our big day, a decision not taken lightly, in fact it was horrible actually, saying the words to people and having to make all the ‘postponement’ arrangements with all the services we had previously booked. We were quite nervous as we’d spent such a lot of money already, but luckily everyone was wonderfully supportive, we didn’t lose any money and it has all rolled over to another date in 2021, simple right?
But then my wedding dress arrived a week before the UK went into lockdown… I cried. I’m 54 years old, there’s a worldwide pandemic going off and I’m in tears over a wedding dress – “GET A GRIP” – I told myself many times!
As with everyone, the next few months had been ‘different’, to say the least. Walks or exercise became the treat of each day, not seeing close family was the worst, shopping for essentials became a strange experience, but it was also a bit of ‘time out’. People were of sombre mood, jobs were in jeopardy, people were being furloughed or working through, schools closed, all told to stay at home, watching the news intently hoping for good news, whilst seeing the death rate rising and of course, a nation wide respect for our NHS and other front line workers rang out like never before.
It is now June and things are beginning to look a little brighter with regards to Covid-19, people are starting to go back to work, shops are to open, some schools are tentatively opening and sport is starting again. Of course, there are families whose lives have been turned upside down because of this virus, for many reasons.
Earlier than when lockdown started our minds were on the news, thoughts were for all those families who’d lost loved ones, praise was for our amazing NHS, but myself and Jon were still sad about our wedding, whilst also accepting it. We were actually fine about it all, we were going about our lives, Jon had worked through the whole thing, we were getting on with jobs we’d needed to do on the boat and by the beginning of June things were looking a little rosier with regards to the virus and life was starting to get back to normal, slowly. Things were good, until the week of our ‘supposed’ wedding day 13th June. I became so utterly flat, upset and anxious that week. Why? I’m not sure, there were bigger things going on in the world than our wedding, but as the week before our day came around I felt terrible, I couldn’t help saying, “we would’ve been doing ‘this’ now”, or “tomorrow we should’ve been doing ‘that’“.
Guilt had set in with me after postponing the wedding, because I was feeling so flat and sad about it all. The guilt was because it felt selfish, when there were people dying and families having their lives changed forever due to the virus, people had other things on their minds, our wedding had been ‘rightly’ forgotten and pushed to one side. I felt guilty that I was feeling sad.
Luckily, the UK canals opened up the week of the ‘no-wedding’, so Jon took a few days off work and we decided to set off cruising on our boat for a few days and not let our weekend go without any thought.
We had a wonderful time cruising, the weather was kind, we chilled out, walked, canoed, drank, ate and laughed. A couple of friends came along on Saturday night, shared a bottle of champagne and also a ‘No-Wedding’ cake, (social distancing of course). We also took part in a funny family Zoom quiz on Sunday evening and when myself and Jon logged on, all the family were there wearing improvised wedding veils and big smiles – brilliant!
I know our wedding being postponed doesn’t really matter, in the grand scheme of things, it’ll happen next year and we’ll make every effort to make it a wonderful day for all celebrating with us, but we found that just a change of scenery, a bit of time out, spending quality time together had made all the difference in being able to accept something which IS very important to us. Sounds trivial I know, but after having these wonderful few days, we can now look forward. I personally feel better now that 13th June 2020 has been and gone.
The virus is hopefully being controlled and lives are beginning to get back to ‘normal’, whatever that new normal will be, but I feel it’ll still take a long while.
Next year, will be a better year for all of us I hope, and I am excited about being excited again.
Anyone in the same situation? How did you feel? How have you handled it? I’d love to know.
I’ll leave you with a few photographs of our ‘No-Wedding’ cruise 😍
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Have a great day! 😍
Don’t feel at all guilty about the sadness you are experiencing. Yes, other people are going through far worse, but you are allowed to have your feelings too (it’s not a contest). After being together 20 years, another year won’t matter in the grand scheme of things. On the other hand, you spent a lot of time planning, dreaming, and looking forward to your celebration. It sounds like you’ve done a great job creating memories of your “non-wedding day”… how many people have one of those?
Thank you Janis, I guess you’re right, another year won’t make any difference and we’ll make it even better 🙂 We actually had a lovely ‘no-wedding’ day and will most likely have a ‘no-wedding’ anniversary every year 🙂
So sorry you had to change your plans. I know there are more serious issues but it is a big deal. I was supposed to go back to Canada in June to attend my grandson’s graduation (cancelled) and a huge family reunion(also cancelled) so I’m feeling a bit down. But we are all safe and healthy so that is the main thing!
Thank you Darlene. Will your grandson be able to have another graduation? I’m sure your family reunion will be even better when it happens because we’ve all been so much. You’re right Darlene, being grateful for our safety and health is the main thing now.
Who wouldn’t feel down, postponing a wedding that sounds so beautiful, Sam? Congratulations in advance… and may there be sunny skies for your special day, whnever it happens.
Thank you Sue, it was interesting looking at the weather on the 13th June as it wasn’t too good. It’s made me think about buying some white wellies for next year on the beach, just in case 🙂
Just go barefoot, Sam… have a paddle too 🙂
Or there is that idea…yes 😃
😀
Hi, Sam – None of this sounds trivial at all. I’m glad that you had a wonderful few days and are now looking forward. And if you have a few days where you look back, that’s okay too.
I’m looking forward to seeing those fanatastic wedding pics next year!
Aww thank you Donna, yes we are looking forward and have also said we’ll probably have a little anniversary every year of our ‘No-wedding’ day 🙂
Such a lovely cruise; many people would choose this over a wedding day, anytime:)
I’m not sure about that, Becky, but we did have a wonderful few days making the disappointment easier. Thank you for reading
Understand your feelings. As an owner of a Crazy Daisy “border like collie” I always rely on her to keep things in check! Hopefully peace returns the minute to look in Rose’s eyes. They dont know there is a pandemic!
https://littleblackdomicile.com/2019/01/18/we-love-our-pets-but-oooooh-not-the-hair-in-our-homes/
Hi Laurel, thank you for reading. Do you know, you are so right! Our dogs give so much pleasure and as you say, when looking into their eyes, it’s amazing how they calm and set you in the right direction, making all problems go away.
What a tough time Sam. It must be so difficult to have been through the excitement and preparations and then have to postpone. Annoying and irritating but totally out of your control. Just got 2021 to look forward to now so even more excitement to come. You’ve done so well to handle it so well, very impressed.
Thanks Jonno, yup the excitement was building then crashed, but hey ho, we ended up having a fab long weekend on the canals and created ourselves a new ‘no-wedding’ anniversary 🙂 Here’s hoping we can keep on top of this virus, a big hope but that’s the main thing at the moment. Hope you’re both well, (I need to catch up with your blog, been off my game a bit) 🙂
There’s nothing wrong with grieving for what you’ve lost. It’s a natural and healing reaction.
Thank you April 🤗
Nah skip the guilt indulge the sadness and snot, know with a blissful certainty that next year it will piss with rain and YOU WILL HAVE THE BEST TIME EVER!!! You will look gorgeous, every one of your 55 years reflecting back at you in the wrinkles of John’s permagrin and you will store up those anecdotes of the year of non-weddingness to bore everyone with, so much so they’ll be glad when you disappear on your barge… hell, it will be epicness personified. Love you to bits and can’t wait to see the photos of you being blown half way to Lundy!!
HAHAHAHAHA!! Trust you to make me cry – with laughter!! Thank you…I think.
I could have done with this message many weeks ago when I was at the height of feeling sorry for myself, it would have given me the kick up the Jacksi I needed, actually it still has – thank you to the moon and back, needed this! 🤣😂
Pleasure… I am available as a peripatetic anti depressive with knobblier knees than the tablet version and my only known side effect is I can induce the occasional involuntary mituration…
HAHaha! I’ll take your knobblier knees any day to make me laugh over a boring tablet 😂
Lovely to “see” you laughing Sam. 🙂 X
Hey you gotta keep laughing 🙂
Absolutely. Having a sense of humour will save us all 🙂🤪
Geoff you’re a hardcase and a tonic, keep it up 🤣
I am so sorry you had to postpone your wedding, but glad you enjoyed your cruise… Hopefully, you will enjoy your big day even more when it arrives. I am really looking forward to my sister’s wedding in two years. She and her partner have been together 25 years.
Thank you Brigid, we are really looking forward to next year as, I’m sure the whole world is. It’s nice to look forward to a wedding 🙂
It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride for many of us over the last three months, Sam. Some of us have gotten stuck in the dips, while others seem to have stayed near the tops of the dips. Emotions have joined us on the ride, and whilst many of us have experienced the same feelings as you have encountered, the one thing that has helped me through all of this is that family and friends have never been far away. We may only have spoken on the phone or online, but it’s kept all our worlds going around.
We were supposed to attend a renewal of vows ceremony on the 13th June, which has now been postponed until next May. The couple concerned have been through much of what you mentioned in this post. But they have a beach, their families and friends, their dog, and have also found the laughter again.
I’ll be raising a glass to your new Wedding day, even if it is a year away.
Thank you Hugh. It certainly has been a rollercoaster ride lately for everyone, Definitely having affected me personally, but I’m getting my head straight again so hopefully get back to normal. You’re right about family, thank goodness we have the technology these days to be able to keep in touch. Shame about the ceremony you were to attend on 13th June, but you’ll be celebrating next May I’m sure.
Thank you Hugh and cheers 🍻
Sam, my daughter spent a year planning a 10 day dream vacation to France in celebration of her 30th birthday. It was to happen the first week of July. We are yet to cross that hurdle with her, but I expect a few ‘down’ days preceding the event and will give her the space she needs to move past those sad feelings. Same with my 65th birthday and 33rd wedding Anniversary in May. We had an incredible trip planned that had to be cancelled. I felt sad for a while, but put into perspective of everything that is happening, it was a small thing.
A wedding is another thing entirely. It is hard to go from having almost every thought dictated by planning and anticipation only to realize that it won’t happen. Just think of it as another year to make things perfect for your wedding day.
Aww Suzanne, thank you for this, such lovely words. What disappointment for you all, but as you say, perspective is key at a time like this. I’m sure we’ll all get to do those things which were previously and carefully planned 🙂 Take care Suzanne x
Don’t feel bad Sam, we all seem to be afflicted with a deep sadness and can’t quite put our finger on exactly why, even in NZ. Anxiety and sadness seems to be a parallel pandemic and then guilt for feeling self pity when there are so many worse off. All I know is that we must be kind to ourselves and allow ourselves to feel what what we feel. Take care.
Thank you Wendy, you are so right with this parallel pandemic of anxiety and sadness. We’re coming out of it now, but certainly that has been the case, a very strange feeling. Being kind to ourselves is truly important. Take care x
As everyone has said, there’s no need to feel guilty. It was a great loss to you so you have a right to be sad for yourselves, but that doesn’t mean you have no room in your hearts for other people’s sadness too. Next year will be great, hold on to that!
Thank you Anabel, such wise words. You’re right, next year will be wonderful 🙂
Well bugger – what a pity your wedding plans got caught up in the pandemic. I know you’re looking at the bigger picture and yes, lots of people are facing tougher things, but it still sucks for you. You’ve waited 20 years for this, you’ll get through another one! I didn’t miss out on a wedding but we did miss a couple of overseas trips and a most amazing travel/work opportunity but I keep remembering how good I’ve got it compared to so many others. Houseboat trip looked great. Just followed you on Insta and Twitter too. Christine
Hi Christine, thank you, yes you nailed it on the head – it sucks! 🙂 But as you say about your mega trips you missed out on, we have to remember how good we’ve got it and another year will go in an instant 🙂 Thanks for the follows, not sure I follow you or not, will check 🙂 Take Care
Yes, next year will be so much better Sam! I wish you and Jon lots of excitement in the coming months and look forward to hearing how things go! Wishing you a lovely second half of 2020. Keep writing, keep making wonderful memories and look forward to better times! 🙂
Thank you so much Liola. Such lovely words x
I understand completely the sadness you would have felt Sam and no-one can blame you for feeling like that. It’s been a horrid year for so many reasons and your wedding was something so exciting for you both to look forward to. I loved that you had some time away on THE weekend and enjoyed yourselves. Looking forward now to hearing of the big day next year, all the best 🙂
Thank you Debbie, we are now looking forward and hope that 2021 is a better year of all of us 🙂 Hope you are well x
Well, that stinks, but it sounds like you did good by the day and your family/friends helped keep perspective. Now, you have a whole year of looking forward to your wedding! I always liked the year before the wedding – anticipation is such fun. It will be wonderful and the wait will be worth it, I’m sure.
That said, I totally get the guilt of feeling frustrated, sad, angry about what the pandemic is doing to your life. I’m absolutely feeling the same things – especially the guilt. I have to keep reminding myself that this one is out of my control, so I just focus on what I can control, which admittedly isn’t much. There’s a freedom in that.
Blessings for your no-wedding season.
Thank you Cara, yes I think you’re right, part of it was the feeling of it being taken out of our hands totally, out of our control, but hey we do have a year to look forward to the new wedding date and that is exciting 🙂 Hope you’re well Cara and cuddles to all your four legged friends 🙂
I don’t think you should feel guilty about feeling like that at all. Weddings are an incredible celebration of togetherness and quite honestly, if the last few months have taught us anything it’s that ‘togetherness’ is the most valuable thing we all have! So you absolutely should have been super-excited leading up to it and of course you will have felt deflated about it being postponed. That’s not being selfish; that’s being alive. Sounds like you have great friends and family and a year will come around before you know it 🙂
Thank you so much for this, for taking the time to say such lovely words. Here’s to a better year in 2021, for everyone 🙂