Over 50 and ‘In Love’ again

We’ve all heard of dating agencies right?  But did you know about the over 50’s dating scene? Okay, okay I can hear you all shouting, yes of course we do”, well where the hell have I been?  I didn’t know there was such a thing as an ‘over 50’s dating agency’, but there is, senior dating is a thing!

I have a few friends who have used regular dating agencies and some of them have had good long lasting relationships from them too, but for the over 50’s who may find themselves at a point in their lives when they’ve maybe been in long term relationships previously, but now to have found themselves alone, maybe through divorce or bereavement etc, but wanting to find that compatible person to share a glass of wine with on the settee in the evenings or to have that special someones’ company to go out with to a restaurant, or to be able to share a holiday with, it may be a little daunting to start going out to try to find their match in public settings so I think a specific ‘over 50’s dating agency’ is a great idea, because you know you’re already within the same age group, you’ve already got a lot in common just by that category already being sorted for you and you are among the same type of people who will be generally needing the same things. Love and the need for companionship is ageless.

It’s strange to think that I’ve been alive on this very interesting planet for over 50 years and have only been, ‘properly’ in love twice.  I say ‘properly’ because I’m not really counting the school girl crushes I had all those years ago on a certain teacher or a few particular boys in my year, the little ‘infatuations’ I may have had in my young lifetime, such as ‘Starsky’ out of Starsky & Hutch.  Later in my life, I  found myself watching the film Speed about 15 times and I’m sure it did have a little something to do with Keanu Reeves.  I also remember all those many moons ago being at primary school, playing kiss chase in the playground and making sure I was going to get caught by that one boy I really liked, Oh my word that was another lifetime ago, but even being so young at that time, I thought that was it…Ahhh Love.   It wasn’t though.  None of those feelings were True Love was it?  Personally, I don’t think so, I think the words, ‘Infatuation’ or ‘passion’, maybe even ‘confused’ more describe those feelings I had then.

To me, knowing what I know now and yes, some may say, “but only two loves, what do you know?” I would answer, “yes how lucky am I?

The truth is, my first love was my ex husband, but I believe the true meaning of the word Love or in fact, I’ll go further to say, unconditional love came much later on in our relationship, because the two of us met as children.

I met him at High School, I was 15, he was 16 and he was getting stuffed, butt first into a large orange dust bin in the common room by his friends, (I think they were his friends) he was left there and all I could see was a bin with legs and arms sticking out, much like an upside down beetle struggling on it’s back.  As the occupied bin was directly in my way and I was a little intrigued as to how he would get out of this situation, I just stood there, watched and waited.  With a big struggle and a bin which rolled on it’s side round in a circle and back to my feet, he got out, brushed himself down, laughed, turned to me with the biggest smile I’d ever seen, with half mast trousers and an old fashioned duffle coat askew… well…he made me smile, I walked away, then turned back, he was still looking my way and that was it –  I was hooked!

It was a relationship which was to last around 20 years.  We went through the majority of emotions and feelings known to man and woman during those years.  I feel we actually grew up together, we experienced so much, we became best friends, we learnt together about relationships and feelings and we had amazingly good times and equally we had to get through tragic times, which understandably, did put a strain on our relationship, but I do know that the feelings of unconditional love, respect and deep friendship grew along with all those life experiences.

I now know that it isn’t easy meeting your ‘love’ so early on in your life, going through the body changes and nightmares of the hormonal imbalances which are dealt out to us just as we are trying to figure things out.   The mood swings all young people have, the insecurities everyone has to fight through in order to reach adulthood as a relatively sane person and then there’s peer pressure, which can lead a young person in many directions so then it’s down to you at that time to make good choices.   We were lucky because we got through all of those things and we got through them together as best friends.  We fell in love, we married, we had children and we were happy, for most of the time…but for reasons which will stay between myself and my ex husband, we sadly parted, but because we had gone through such a lot as young people and because of our strong bond together and most importantly because of our joint love for our children, we made sure that we would stay friends and bring up our boys together, making them feel secure, as they were more important than anything else.  That’s what happened and I am so pleased to say that myself and my ex husband are still very good friends today.

I feel incredibly lucky to have found love once again after my marriage broke down and the feelings of trust and friendship again, grew as the relationship has grown, but I feel I have to add, because we met as adults, if he had been getting stuffed into a bin butt first, I would probably have walked on very quickly and never looked back.  We met as adults, our joint needs for our relationship are as adults, we have a lot of things in common, we love to do the same things, we have great respect for each other, we understand each other, we trust one another and the relationship has grown to what it is today 14 years on.

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Whistler, Canada 2017

When we are young we think over 50’s are ancient and we think we know it all, I know this because I was that young person once, but since turning 50 I certainly feel my life has turned another exciting corner, our children are leading their own lives and so I feel I can enter into my next phase, I certainly do not feel ancient at all, in fact I feel very much alive and feel that there is so much more to do in life and this is mainly due to having a special man wanting to do those things with me.  I still like to try to keep fit as I did when I was younger, but for different reason’s now, it’s not particularly to be body conscious as it used to be when young, but it’s to actually Be and Stay fit, active and healthy.  I have that special someone to spend my quiet nights in with, cook with, chat with, have a laugh with, go out with, be silly with, travel with, learn new things with and to just get out there to do stuff with.  Since being together we’ve learnt how to snowboard, surf and mountain bike and we’ve just moved onto a boat together – why the hell not?  Something else you learn as you get older is that life is too short to waste it or to be working your ass off all the time, so you have to try to find ways to live your life while you’re fit enough.  Sometimes it’s hard to get out of a ‘rut’, but certainly if you are not happy with how your life is, then try to change something, even if it’s a little something, even if it’s to find that next special someone to share your next phase with.

We’ve been on board the boat now for a month and it’s already been fun and games, there’s certainly been ups and down’s, but we have laughed!  I’ve been kindly invited by Sue Vincent to write a guest post about how life is going on the boat, so watch out for this in the near future.

I wrote this post feeling I needed to try to explain in my own opinion, how finding someone and being in love after 50 is quite different to meeting someone and being in love when young. I have done both and I do feel your needs in a relationship change depending on your age and maturity along with your life experiences.

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If you do find yourself in a position where you are looking for someone in your life again, but being over 50 and having lost a little confidence over time and aren’t sure how to go about meeting them, then there is plenty of advice for you online, for instance click here, give it a try, you never know 🙂

It’s never too late to find your special person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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19 thoughts on “Over 50 and ‘In Love’ again

  1. I need to thank you for writing this. Of course you have no need to explain and yet, speaking as an over 50 I am delighted that you have and that you have so eloquently differentiated between that young true love and the older true love. I have been married more than once. My first husband and I met when he was 20 and I was 21. We grew up and we grew apart. That is enough to know. My present husband was 59 and I was 51 when we met. It is different, it is wonderful and I cannot imagine ever being without him. We sometimes, rather wistfully, wonder what it would have been like if we had met first. He always says the same thing ‘we didn’t and that is all we need to know. We met when we met’. I am so grateful and glad that we did.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. We seem to have this very much in common. Your husband, I believe is right, you met when you met. Your first marriage as with mine gave us important life experiences & personally I wouldn’t change a thing 😊 I can’t thank you enough for such a wonderful comment x

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I found sunshine in my late 30s, and it’s only gotten better. I’m glad you found someone who enriches your life, and I’m glad that you found someone you like so much that you can live in what amounts to an RV on wheels with him (because that’s something major right there😍)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love this post, Sam. Another thing we have in common and that is finding our best friend later in life 🙂 I met the Squire later on though it was our first marriage, as I was too much of a free spirit and the thought of getting married young like most of my friends just wasn’t going to happen. I am glad I waited! Absolutely love is in the air at any age. Love is different as we age, and to be honest I much prefer it and I love being older 🙂 Well done you for writing a post that I am sure we resonate with many people

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lovely Sam.
    I reviewed a book you might enjoy. Hot Flush by Rosie Fenwicke is about an ordinary woman who gets super powers when she goes through menopause. Something we all could do with. 🙂 It’s a self published novel (available as an ebook I think) by a New Zealand author and while not literary genius, it was a heck of a lot of fun.
    Loving your blog!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Wendy, thank you that sounds so interesting, I’ll try to find it – wouldn’t that be fabulous if super powers really happened during the dreaded big M, it may have even been worth going through it…Oh wait.. no nothing would make it worth it! LOL Thank you for reading & your great comment 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. My mother just settled down after quite a long stint in the mid-fifties dating scene. She is a widow and a divorcee. The guy she has settled down with is also a widower, they travel, they enjoy the company, they have a great time just hanging out and chasing their accumulated 50 billion dogs….okay maybe it’s just 4 but it seems like a barnful! It’s fascinating what they have, and I couldn’t be happier for her!

    Liked by 1 person

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